Race Report: Marathon du Médoc 2023

Marathon du Médoc 2023 Race Report

“Race report” – that’s not right. This was more of a fancy dress, wine drinking, oyster/cheese/steak-eating endurance event, where the aim seemed to be to get just inside the cut-off, thus maximising your time both on course  and in the beer tent .

18-ish of us arrived in Pauillac on a hot & sunny day to collect bib numbers, beach vests and meat hats. Turns out that this isn’t the only booze-fuelled running event, with other colours of wine, beer, Cognac (urgh) and Armagnac (non merci) putting them on too. After a “marathon special” lunch (the special bit being the inflated prices), we drove over to our “cosy” cabins (sheds of different sizes) near Hourtin on the Atlantic coast. 

The Atlantic wave machine  was cranked up and did a good job of shaking off any tiredness from getting up at silly-o’clock, but was a bit greedy stealing both Ed’s goggles and sunnies. Another “marathon special” for dinner (all the shellfish we didn’t really need) and it was back to the sheds for a short and sweaty pre-race sleep. 

Off to the official TWH meeting point (Lidl car park) where the gastronomy-themed costumes could be revealed (100% coordinated – well, nearly: 6 Battenberg cakes, 8 Keith Floyds/aka “The Butchers”, 2 Cheestrings, 1 Tesco Broccoli and myself, Papa Fromage). After a brief crane-hoisted circus display, some 8000 runners were set off. No wine stops for the first 8km or so – I spent most of this trying to keep the Cheestrings (Adam & Mike) in sight, avoiding running too close to the many naked chef butts, while my giant cheese  costume became a raclette and Cathy’s fleecy broccoli  was overcooked in the humidity. 

Heeding the advice of not doubling-up on the early wines, it was a very brief sip-and-go at most of the first few chateaux; surely we weren’t going to keep this pace up the whole way?! Back through Pauillac at the half-way point, I was looking like the first casualty of the day and seriously considered missing out on one of the wines. Obviously this would have been a red card offence, so down it went and on we trotted. While the Floyds and Battenbergs were gathering in a shady spot, I saw my chance for a breakaway – time for the 26th fastest cheese in Médoc to get in front for a bit. Alas that didn’t quite go to plan as there seemed to be much more lingering going on back there. I even had time to stop for a massage, triple-up on wines, yet still the others were nowhere to be seen.

Towards the last wobbly 10km, the wine and food stops seem to be on rapid-fire. Needless to say, the rest is a bit of a blur, but there were indeed oysters (24 of them for Phoebe), beer & chips, weird desserts and ice creams. A giant mirror is provided somewhere near the end to check you look beautiful for the finish flag (pleased that my cheeseboard hat remained intact). 

On crossing the finish line, we were presented with, yes, more wine . Perfect. Then it was off to the finishers’ tent for a couple of hours of free beer  and a few too many naked chefs. The incredible value-for-money of this race continued until midnight with a huge fireworks display and glowstick-twirling line dancing in the rain.

The next day was all the better for not waking up in a wet tent next to Lidl (although Ed Floyd may disagree). After some time trials in the waterpark, the Atlantic waves took their revenge on the TWH contingent, before providing us with a fantastic sunset backdrop for the beach (not the lake) afterparty. Somehow not one of those bottles of fine Médoc wine made it back to the UK. 

Photos

Marathon du Médoc 2023

Results

 

Records

I believe there are 3 new TWH records:

• Fastest Marathon dressed as a chef – Simon Swinnerton in 05h37m55s

• Fastest Marathon dressed as a cheese – Richard Bysouth in 05h58m50s *

• Fastest Marathon dressed as a cake – Mike Staddon in 06h39m19s

* whether there are sub-categories for Cheestrings, I don’t know. That would be Mike King. He was a little broken at the end.