'Magnificent Seven' Clubnight Report, 06 Jan 10

IT WAS NEVER GOING TO BE AN ORDINARY WEDNESDAY NIGHT CLUB RUN!

And so it turned out to be.

Expect the unexpected on a night like that.

First at the club, frozen padlock and an eerie silence (and that was just the wife!).

The snow was deep, not so crisp but quite even. Perrrfick running surface - but would anyone else turn up or was I the latecomer to the Turkey's Ball?

Sure enough, first one of the new Harlem Globetrotters showed with his reflective vest round the wrong way. Then a go-anywhere vehicle slewed into the car-park carrying the high altitude skier Joady followed shortly by a go-everywhere (we don't care about the weather) veteran Vauxhall sashayed sideways through the gates with its rally-cross driver Howey and two sweaty browed navigators from Harrisland St James. The Magnificent Seven was completed by the arrival of Penshurst Bronze Smiffy whose lover Becky chose to remain as non-travelling reserve!

Notices were dispensed with and the route made up in an instant - let's head off to the Pantiles first! See pic outside the Ragged [to be posted shortly!].

We were immediately shamed by two sirens of the snow coming in the opposite direction wearing nothing but a healthy glow and some very short shorts. The recruitment instincts of the Harriers instantly tried to cajole these amazing women/girly things with promises of hot showers and carrots and coriander, but they laughed and skipped off into the warm glow of the Christmas lights.

Up Major Yorks we took advantage of the heavily laden overhanging branches to shower the unfortunates behind except Cheeky tried to hide high up in one set of them only to cover himself in the process.

A quick regroup at the Spa and two Chris-es decided to do the Loop whilst the more sensible continued towards Sankeys for much needed rehydration, ie. 4 glasses of seasonal ale and a large Gluhwein for Rosie. As we approached the junction with London Road a hapless motorist in a scappage was trying unsuccessfully to turn back into Mt Ephraim, so the TWH road rescue squad went into immediate action to save the dwindling value of his tyres, much to the delight of the ambulance crew who had been held up by the goon.

Sankeys provided the necessary alimentation despite none of us having any means to pay. Don't try this yourself!

After the Chrisses had caught us up and downed their ale we spotted another runner heading towards the hospital and made chase. He too was wearing shorts and t having just done the BMF training on the common. Are we going soft or what?

Next target was JRs who had wimped out on pain of death. And death came shortly after we had rescued the Sainsbury's delvery van in Woodbury Prk Rd. After raising JR's attention by snowballs at the kitchen window at no 34c (easy to remember chaps!) we continued to deliver volleys each time he threw up the sash. When the worktops were full we made our way past the fire brigade and EDF who were trying to put out an underground electrical fire - and you don't come across these unless you head out with the Harriers on Mission Impossible!

With nothing to amuse the marauding snowballers except the odd hanging sign or cctv cameras we headed back down past the Town Hall to assist hapless No.3 - a taxi trying to head up Mt (notso) Pleasant. As he crested the rise we helped him on his way with a few friendly snowballs only to come under fire from his colleagues who had no chance of a fare. All soft snowy hell broke loose until they admitted defeat and ran off.

Mt Pleasant was like the Cresta Run by then, all shiny and slidey downhill. Many swingey signs and Christmas Banners later we took a well-aimed shot at Pizza Express whose waiters couldn't wait to engage us with a return of fire (no customers, see).

Finally back in Warwick Park we had one more hapless to attend to - trying the North Face of Roedean. We told him the route had never been successfully attempted without oxygen and he turned tail with our attending barrage - all laughing with the windows open.

So there you have it - road rescue, streetfights, kitchen nightmares all rounded off with 'making angels in the snow' at HQ and some lovely larrapin Larkins (inc. the legendary Porter) back at Ragged to complete a perfect club night.

Cheeky